Sunday, August 18, 2013

he loves me he loves me not

  "If you love someone, tell them because hearts 
are often broken by words left unspoken."   

i don't know who  write this quote but it makes me think of one prison and one person only  i loved him off and on  for years his name is john first time was in 2009 it was my second year in Canada and it was his first he didn't know that much English or that much things about relationships  well we were kids kinda ,he wasn't the hottest guy , the strongest or the skinniest  he didn't have swag or anything he was kinda weird but i liked him just they way he was but i didn't go for him because all my friends though he was ugly and everyone liked his hot brother i admit he was kinda hot and cool but i just didn't see him like i see john ,i didn't tell anyone that i liked him unit on day i told one  of my friend Sadie i trust her and all but when i told her she laughed but she acted like she was happy for him i knew then that she wasn't, on day i was sitting in the park with my sister and he came to the park too and he came to me and we were talking and he told me that he liked and i was happy inside but i acted me i didn't and i didn't say anything. i all ways needed an excuse to talk to him so i always ask him to help me with my french homework because he spoke  french on day he was helping me and he said if he helps me then i had to his girlfriend i told him no but he always tired that was what i loved about him i really liked when he put his arms around me some time i wish i never care what everyone else through about him i wish i want with my heart when everyone asked me why i was talking to him i told them that i was using him for my french homework i feel super bad sometime i wish i had a restart batten , one day my mom told me that she found a house she wants to move the end of the week i was kinda said because i didn't want to leave him i was kinda falling for him as crazy that is i was.few months after i moved i start talking to i him on Facebook and my sister did too and she asked him if he still liked me and he said that he did and she told me that i was happy but he kinda change he was still nice and sweet but he start dressing better and losing wright and all and one day he asked me if i came go swimming with him and i said yes but then i had to take my sisters with me all of them it was so embarrassing too and he had all his friends there and i didn't look that good and there was this other girl with me and his friends so i didn't go and talk to him because i was with little kids and didn't look that good i didn't want to embarrass  him so i just want home but i really want to say hi and just jump on him and say long time or kiss him i don't know i just wanted to do something but no i just waked away like i didn't know who they were after that say we didn't talk for 2 years last time i saw him was at this place where we worked i was so happy when i saw him and when i did he got so much hotter ,cuter and his dimple stayed the same but he lost weight and all wow i really wanted to hug him really bad and on day he asked me if i had a boyfriend and if i needed on lol and i told him no and i don't need one i didn't want to sound desperate few days after that him and his friends and i were playing true and dare and he dared me to kiss him and i did a really quick pack and he said he didn't see it coming so i had to do it again so i didn't but this time i wanted to give him something to remember so a give him on of those sexy kiss he said i was a good kisser lol after that we made out a lot and i never wanted to stop but i was confused about what was going on were we together or not so i asked him if i can talk to him face to face about and he said yes we were supposed  too meet up at this festive when i want there he was with this other girls and i saw him and i called him he told me he was waiting for his friends but that was just excuse he didn't want to talk because he didn't want to be seen with me that day i wanted to cry so badly because i never stop loving him, and on of this girl that i told everything too was to facing me i heard she even told him to play with me and i think she likes him and one day he told her to ask me if i can be friends with benefit with me when she told me that it broke my heart more he was just hurting  me again and again none stop but what was heart braking too see is this nice sweet guy that knows how to treat a woman guy she turn in to a player i heard it is starting to play girls i wish i can tell him to stay the same but he wouldn't listen to me some times i just wanna say he stop this its not you ,you should be with me you know i will love you like no other i will take care of you i will be the woman you need let me love you but all i can do is  watch him and when he needs me i will be there for him because action speaks louder then word 






Thursday, August 15, 2013




        hey everyone everyone .....what I write on this blog is all my personal and embarrassing shit all the things I   write on this blog I never told anyone not even my friends because they will all hated me and never talk to me and even if they do they wont trust me



last September I moved to a new school I barley knew anyone there just two people Anna and Salam they were brother and sister I dated Salam for few weeks he cheated on me with my old friend that moved away 3 years ago I was heart broken but what broke my heart most was that she still dated him when she found out that he was cheating on her with me and two other girl I still haven't forgive her for that if I told her she shouldn't be dating him she would think that I am still like him well I did but that's not the point  she should of broken up with him right away I did lol anyways back to the new school okay so on the first day I met this girl her name she shaddie me and shaddie kinda clicked like we were meant to be friends we got closer over the months she had a brother his name a Kevin I got to new Kevin every well and I also got close to him we told each other every thing I loved talking to him I got to close to him and I falling  for him and I was falling hard so on day I thought maybe I should tell him how I feel and I said too my self I should but first I should tell shaddie if she was okay with it so I did and she was okay with it ..... and everything was going good and then one of my old friend msg me saying that she liked this guy that goes to me my school and it was him and she told me to not tell him or anyone and I wanted to know if he liked her back so I told him and he laughed and said "I don't like girls like her but she is nice" I was kinda happy he said that but I felt bad so waited few days too tell him and I pulled him one day and I said to him "I know we are good friends but I think I like you more then that " he said that he liked me as a friend and only a friend I was so heart broken by that but I  acted like everything was okay ,one day I was  bored I was on Facebook and I mad a fake Facebook and I add him and some people and I msg him say some stuff about my self and saying  shit about him and then I msg him on my Facebook and I asked him why he was talking shit about me with this guy and he said that he never and I want back on the other facebook and told him that I was talking shit about him and he got mad and we had a fight on my account and I want back on the account and told him that I was my other friend that liked him and he had a fight with her and told me and her that he hated me and her and never wants to talk to on of us .........I lied to shaddie and told her that everything was the other girls folt that we had a fight she mad the fake Facebook and I blamed everything on her , one day me and shaddie and few other friends were going out for lunch and her mom come and she yells at me and tells me to stay away from her kids and I was confused because we were friends so I asked her what was that about and she told me that he told his mom I was a bitch and I asked him for sex and I was following him and shit and they mother was telling people that I have sex with men that I don't know and I was a slut and I was trying to sleep with her son.